I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
birth control should be required to get into college
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
