I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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