Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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