Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
