goodnight i made you a song goodbye
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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