dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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