i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Ladies don't puke and tell
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
