Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
