1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
