meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
