separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
