I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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