I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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