He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
