That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
