i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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