my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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