all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize