No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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