You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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