I am in a vortex of obligation.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
