I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Let the clothes fall where they may.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
