I wish my penis had an off switch
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
