Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
