Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
