I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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