I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
