I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
