I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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