Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
