I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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