Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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