is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She's like a pop up book from hell.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
