..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
