im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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