There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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