Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
