This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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