It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
This girl is more easily done than said...
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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