Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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