if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
