I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
