I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
