what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
