puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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