well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
