Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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