I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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