it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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