The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize