What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
