I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Still dying that you shit outside
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
