she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
