it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
