She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
