Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think my vagina is haunted
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
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His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
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It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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