Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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