How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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