Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
