I wish I could punch you in the face.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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