Non-Jews are for practice
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
