if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You made out with two different species that night
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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