He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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