I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
