somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
