I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
They took my balls.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
