Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
