ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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