Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
