He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
