Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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