He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
