THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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