so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
