The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
